Kelaine Conochan - The Everywoman

SOCCER - BASKETBALL - TRACK - SOFTBALL - FLAG FOOTBALL - ULTRARUNNING

NOT BOWLING, PLEASE GOD

ARCHETYPE: THE EVERYWOMAN

Day 136/135

Athletic Accomplishments

Kelaine Conochan is a lifelong multisport athlete, who is good-but-not-great at most sports, aside from bowling—which she detests and actively stinks at—and golf—which she has never tried because of the whole rich, white people wearing khakis situation.

Growing up, teeball was Conochan’s first organized sport, which she began playing in kindgergarten. She was also a high draft pick in self-made lawn obstacle courses, manhunt, climbing Aunt Kathy’s pine trees, and Can’t Touch the Floor. But the game changed when Conochan found basketball, which she played against her cousins and her elementary school friends on patios and blacktop courts across Central New Jersey. 

In second grade, Conochan started playing “girls’ instructional basketball,” where were no teams, games, or even scrimmages. It was mostly a bunch of girls learning to dribble and not shoot granny shots, which Conochan was already far beyond and, even then, found patronizing. However, “instructional” was the only format offered to girls in her hometown of Freehold, New Jersey at the time. She was one of the best players in her age group, namely because she had been a tomboy whose entire social life revolved around playing sports all the time. 

In third grade, Conochan began playing soccer in her town rec league, going undefeated to win the championship with the Yellow Sunshine Girls. The following year, her new team repeated winning a championship, and her kindergarten best friend’s Portuguese dad asked her, “When are you going to play travel?” so she tried out the following year and made the illustrious though confusingly spelled Freehold Magik, where she played right back.

By sixth grade, Conochan had only lost field day ONE TIME in her entire elementary school career. She was her grade’s back-to-back champ of the Turkey Trot, winner of her school’s hula hoop contest (with roller blades on), and captain of the back-to-back intramural champion Hooligans and Hooligans II. She also won the 800m in her town’s 6th grade track meet and did 64 sit-ups in a minute—a school best that year—during the National Physical Fitness Test. Conochan also started playing in the boys’ basketball league because—what was she going to do, not play hoops? Get outta here!

In middle school, Conochan played soccer and basketball. But she faced the biggest dilemma of her life going into spring season, where she had to decide between playing softball—which she had played her whole life—and running track—which she thought she’d love. After a whole lot of hemming and hawing, she selected track, where she ran the 800m and on the 4x100m relay team—a very uncommon combination but whatever, it was awesome. The 4x100m team of Katie Allan, Conochan, Amy Keseday, and Erin Turner-Byfield was dominant, setting the town record and winning almost every meet. (She tried long jump and high jump, but those didn’t work out so well.)

But Conochan excelled most at the 800m, where she went undefeated in 8th grade, setting the town record in dramatic fashion at the All-Star Meet—the very last meet of the season.

In high school, Conochan continued playing soccer, basketball, and track, was team captain of all three sports her senior year. She played three years of varsity soccer, and despite barely playing as a sophomore and junior, she was selected team captain and made All-District as center back her senior year. She played three seasons of varsity basketball, playing point guard. 

She ran varsity track for all four years, but her events changed when her body changed. Puberty kinda sucks, to be honest. Conochan struggled in the 800m her freshman year, changing to the 400m hurdles and 100m hurdles as her primary races. By her senior year, she had scored points and lettered in every race except the 100m and 1600m, was a regular in the 4x400m relay, and her team had set school records in the shuttle hurdles and 3x400m hurdles on their way to becoming back-to-back District and division champions. 

She only played intramural sports in undergrad at the University of Maryland and grad school at the University of Southern California, winning the league in both soccer and basketball a few times, but who’s counting? 

After school, Conochan kept playing soccer, basketball, and softball in Washington, D.C.’s local leagues and hasn’t stopped playing since 2007. A few years ago, she added flag football, because sitting at home is overrated and her body is naturally more like a running back than a distance runner. Thanks, puberty.

Nevertheless, she began running marathons in 2008 and has not stopped running ever since. In 2010, she ran her first ultramarathon, the JFK50 Miler, and her first 100-miler in 2013, where she was one of only two women to finish the race—placing a very humbling second AND last, simultaneously. She has run two other 100-milers, placing as top female finisher and fifth overall in both races. 

Right this very second, Conochan is running the 2021 Badwater 135 ultramarathon, a 135-mile footrace through Death Valley California, where temperatures are expected to top 115 degrees F, and with 20,000 feet of elevation gain and loss. It’s the hardest thing she has done to this point, and she still has miles to go before hopefully climbing Mt. Whitney and crossing the finish line. But luckily, she has an amazing crew of Ricky Haro, Jimmie Wilbourn, Kalie Demerjian, and Brenna Bray to keep her safe, fueled, and hydrated. She feels like everything she has ever done—every game she has ever played, every competition she has ever won or lost—has led to this. 

Character Archetype: The Everywoman

Unlike most of the 135 badasses on this list, Kelaine Conochan is not a professional athlete. In basketball, she’s an undersized point guard with a decent handle and outside shot. In soccer, she’s a solid defender with a pretty crummy first touch and zero goal-sense. In softball, she’s a solid glove and consistent pull hitter, but she’s not getting extra bases. In running, she’s fast enough at any distance, but she’s not breaking records anytime soon.

But even so, Conochan believes that she belongs in the game, in the race, in the desert. She believes that every person—regardless of gender—should find and take the opportunity to play and compete.

In training for the Badwater 135 mile race, Conochan has run thousands of miles, spent hours sweating in a sauna, run with sweats on, and blasted a space heater in a small room while working her full-time job. And even so, nothing is guaranteed after she gets to that start line. But that’s what makes the challenge worth doing. 

What makes Conochan different is her willingness to do the work, even when it’s just for fun. She  What makes her extraordinary is she competes for herself. Isn’t that enough?